Belated moose farting story

I found this post in my queue, and realized I completely blew posting it! It's funny (to my twisted little mind anyway) and so I thought I would share it with my blogger universe. This happened about four days before Timmy was born, which explains my otherwise inexplicable oversight...

Tonight I refilled the bird feeder. Now, I didn't know this; but apparently sunflower seeds are the equivalent of moose crack, because I barely got seated at the front window when a big old mama moose trots out of the woods with twin moose babies in tow, delicately nosed the top off the bird feeder (without even knocking it from the hanger!) and proceeds to snake a long purple tongue down in there to swipe up all the bird seed I was putting out for the migratory birds to tank up on.

I also did not know that sunflower seeds are the castor oil of the moose crowd. Only a minute or two later, she swung her butt toward the window and from a scant 18 inches away, farted loudly and wetly, spraying flecks of turd all over my front window. Ew is an understatement. She startled herself, jumped nimbly around to stare accusingly at me (apparently I MADE her spew grass-laden detritus out of her massive butt) and dropped an enormous steaming load directly under the feeder. That set off a chain reaction and both her twins felt the need to do the same under my pine trees. They trotted off after destroying my last remaining mulberry tree in the backyard. They are hungry this time of year!

Now I have three huge moose dookies and a goobed window to clean up. Once Charlie stops rolling on the ground laughing over my horrified expression, I'm sending him out there with a shovel, the hose and the bird seed. Yeah, laugh it up fuzz ball...we'll see who is laughing the next time the sunflower seed poachers come to town and crap it up again. I already pointed out that the turd flecks on the window are simply too high up for lil ol' me to reach -- moose butt is higher than you would think off the ground!

I am soooo glad I moved to Alaska!