Elimination communication is the formalized name for something that really isn't formalized at all. Some women choose not to diaper their babies from birth, and use potties and toilets instead, trusting their close and intimate knowledge of their babies to know when pottying is needed. They learn their babies' elimination signs and emphasize two way communication between parent and baby in eliminating, thereby achieving a "diaper free baby". Some people do it part time, some full time, some only occasionally -- but it did seem to result in children happily pottying at a much earlier age than most American children. Supposedly this is common in more traditional cultures, those that haven't been invaded by convenience. I scoffed when I heard people were doing this -- after all, potty training for Connor was the seventh circle of hell, I lived in the bathroom for WEEKS -- and I couldn't imagine doing that for years, and constantly toting around a ticking time bomb of baby effluvia. Oh sure, of course, my grossness tolerance level has ratcheted up to the point where I can handle still warm handfuls of poop if not with a great deal of cheerfulness, at least without a retch and grimace. But no one wants the poo rocket to ignite in a supermarket with no warning. I imagine Carrie like scenes of fountaining body fluids. I have old carpet, but not that old!
But Timmy actually convinced me to try this little bit of craziness. About three weeks ago, he got intensely interested in potty stuff. Wanting to play in the toilet, pulling paper off the roll, slapping the toilet, trying to peer intently between his older brother's legs (much to Connor's dismay -- we now squawk about needing "pivacy!"), and pulling angrily at his diaper velcro. Several times a day I'd look around for Timmy only to find a wet chinese prefold wadded in a forlorn cover, and then catch sight of a wiggly baby butt disappearing happily around the corner. All righty, that's how we're gonna play kiddo o' mine? I finally got exasperated, and plunked him on the toilet the next time I noticed him wiggling a bit and slapping the potty. I'll be damned if he didn't pee! He smiled and wiggled; I smiled and cheered. We were hooked.
We started out slow, just trying to catch the first morning pee. It was sure to come and the relief was intense for him so it made him feel good in more ways than one. It's lovely to start the day off with a cheering session. Sometimes we caught it, sometimes we didn't. No worries, no stress -- not at ALL like when we potty trained Connor. There were tears and anger on both sides by the end, after three unsuccessful tries to even achieve one pee in the pot at age 2 years 10 months. Once we consistently got the morning pee, I started leaving his diaper off more, and taking note of his reactions and usual pee times. I noticed he would not pee when held close to me without fussing and pushing to get put down. It was very easy to just put him on the pot instead of watching him pee in a diaper and then changing him. We laughed, sang, played with cool toys and got a brotherly cheering section for all his pees caught. I am matter of fact about misses. We just clean them up, say "pee goes in the pot" and go on. My rule is if I feel even a little annoyed by it or we have three misses in a row (because of distraction of his or my part) we go back in diapers for awhile til we can pay attention better. He's at such a young age that any negativity could really screw the vibe we have going here, and remarkably despite the fact that we average one miss a day, I am *almost* stress free about it all. I say almost, because hey, you people know me -- a pee splattered floor is still not my preferred state of being. As the days have gone on, it's been better and better -- he now wears a diaper for long errands and car trips, and nights, with the occasional nap diaper if I feel like he hasn't peed enough in relation to the amount of liquids he's had. As a result, I haven't had to wash a poop diaper in almost a month, and we average 2 diapers and 1 miss a day, with some long stretches of 1 diaper and no misses at all. Many times we've come back from a 3 hr errand trip to find that he's dry and eager to potty -- once we even ventured into Fred Meyer's bathroom to potty, though he did find the big industrial toilets a tad intimidating.
We had a big breakthrough today though that really excited me. Timmy was crawling around nekkid playing with construction toys, and suddenly got a little intent look on his face. I waited to see what would happen for just a moment, prepared to swoop and throw him on his potty if it had serious intent. Much to my surprise, he crawled to his little potty, slapped it twice, and then carefully stood and maneuvered his butt on to it. I straightened out his legs and helped point his willy, and he whizzed away happily, clapping for himself. WOW! At 10.5 months, he went potty by himself with little assistance! Now of course I don't expect this to reoccur on a regular basis if at all but oh the dazzling possibilities...I can actually see him being out of diapers well before 2! And after all, that's the point of EC -- teaching your child to understand their own signals, prefer cleanliness, and communicate those needs to you, all entirely possible long before 3 or 4. This way couldn't be possibly any worse than the marathon session of pottying that it took to finally reconcile Connor to the toilet in an uneasy truce. He has only in the last two months gotten truly 100% comfortable with all aspects of pottying; Timmy seems to take to it well, and he's thriving with a stressless mommy who doesn't yet hate scraping congealed fluids off diapers for washing.
The theory goes that the way we diaper kids in this country, we actually teach babies that their diaper is the appropriate place to eliminate and since most kids don't get changed the second they go, to ignore the inherent discomfort of touching their own waste. By the time they are 2, 3 or even 4, that habit is so ingrained that when we change it we're asking them to change a fundamental and personal lesson they've learned from day one. And we're asking that of them at a time where changes of any kind come as a shock to their systems. Montessori theorized that there are periods of sensitivity at which children learn certain skills more easily, and supposedly toilet learning is easiest between 12-18 months, or at approximately the time they start walking and mastering that skill. Since we are sending Connor to Montessori school in August and I am trying to incorporate some of her methods in our home life, it only makes sense to explore this as well. I'm so relieved that *I* can actually see this as a learning journey for us to take together, rather than an unpleasant race to the finish with a stubborn little toddler blocking the way to puddle free days.
The funny part is many ladies of the older generation just look a little puzzled when I talk about this -- "well, of course babies can potty train earlier! Mine were out of diapers by 18 months..." while most of my own generation look vaguely unnerved and ask if I think I'm doing psychological damage or really training myself rather than him to be tied to a potty. If they could see my happy proud little guy clapping for himself and gazing fondly at his pee filled bowl they wouldn't worry about damage. The second argument I had a hard time with myself, but really it's remarkably easy -- easier in fact than diapers. I have a Baby Bjorn little potty upstairs and a Once Upon a Potty downstairs, as he's not yet comfortable with the really big potty. He potties and we dump and wipe it out with an antibacterial wipe. Flush it away, done. I have a couple cloth diapers stashed around to mop anything untoward with some enzyme cleaner, though Timmy considerately usually waits to "miss" on tile. He has a couple of pairs of small underwear (tough to find, but Blueberry Baby in Fairbanks came to my rescue!) and he usually goes bare butt at home just for simplicity. I'm down to one small load of diapers once a week. Amazing. Simply amazing, as I expected in quiet despair to face another epic battle of wills and years of filthy diapers to wash. I do think cloth diapering helped him keep a great deal of awareness of his elimination -- they do after all feel wet and clammy next to the skin, and they are bulkier, so they slightly impede movement and frustrate an on-the-go baby. Nice incentive to switch to a nice clean potty!
I would not have believed it if I hadn't done it myself. If you're toying with the idea, please do check out The Diaper Free Baby by Peggy Loh and diaperfreebaby.org. I didn't find these til a week in to doing this, but it's filled with valuable tips that might have kept me from a few puddly problems early on! I'm so excited and happy...and even better, willing to let this take its own course and guide him as gently as I can. That's a rare feeling for me, but one that is getting easier with time. I wish I had known of this when Connor was a baby...poor guy is my experimental kid! I'll let you know how it ultimately turns out, and when my boy finally "graduates" to independent potty status!
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